When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
