my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
