Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
