I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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