I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
