She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
