I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
