You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
