who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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