So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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