i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
