Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm way too hungover for life right now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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