is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
