Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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