I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
