do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
