if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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