1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
