My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
