And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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