forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
