new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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