dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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