Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
