How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I would ride that face into the sunset
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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