update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
