I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
