sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
