Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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