i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
handjob tips. give me some.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
