U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
