and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
