What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize