I've blown a few things in my day
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
