this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
