Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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