fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
