It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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