Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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