why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
