We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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