Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
