Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
