just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
