lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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