Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
