No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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