We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
