make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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