If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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