Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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