this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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