i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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