my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize