WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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