I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
