Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
