your thong is hanging out like whoa
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
