I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
