I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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