normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
