no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
