Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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