I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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